The Lights are Always On

I am always coming Home. Always back to ‘me‘. Have you ever noticed that? We can get distracted with so much of life’s offerings, be they inspirational or devasting or anywhere in between. Eventually the sun breaks through and a quiet moment sparks a remembrance; maybe a walk in nature, maybe the rainbow of pure light flashing off a hanging crystal, maybe just a deep exhale as you stop for just a moment. It’s a deep Ahhhhhh. There’s a sense of ‘hello – I’m back‘.

Coming home is a recognition, however brief, of that vital Life Force energy that feels like a renewing of being, no matter how brief the moment.

I used to long to be able to remain in that ‘place’ of clear, often inspirational, usually peaceful, Morning Moment energy throughout the day, but inevitably, long established habit patterns would take over – and I’d feel I had ‘lost’ the serenity and tranquility of the moment.

You Can’t Lose That Which You Already Are

Teachings on my journey said “you can’t LOSE it, that sense of pure freedom, it IS you, everything else is layered on top, the way clouds obscure the sun and yet the sun is ALWAYS ON.” Yes – I knew that – and certainly on occasion that sense of Beingness would remain as I moved through my day. And then it didn’t…it disappeared, or at least appeared to disappear. Some days are diamonds and some days are stone as John Denver so famously sang. For sure there will always be days when events are so consuming that the morning deep connective breath is the farthest from awareness and those immediate events need attention.

Making Space for One Precious Moment

BUT…when a conscious effort is made for space – for opportunity for that deep exhale to occur – i.e. sitting in silence, taking in a deep breath, walking in peace, being in nature, running in the zone, whatever choice you make – if there is opportunity for that ‘hello’ to appear, then it will.

And the realization dawns – that ‘I AM’ presence, is ALWAYS there whether I am aware of it or not. It starts to permeate daily life more, little by little. Sparks of remembrance flare in the middle of crazy. Sparks of peace, tranquility, love. And instead of feeling sad that “I’ve lost it” there’s a sense of “no – there it is”.

I AM

I have 3 letters, large letters, that sit on the surface across from my writing space. They are about 8 inches high – they are ‘I AM’. Small round lights are placed strategically along the surface of each light. They are lit by batteries. They are a beautiful, clear, eye catching statement and reminder ‘oh Yes!’

Leave Them On – Always

I used turn them off to save the battery life when I left the room. One day, in the middle of some emotional disturbance, it came to me to leave them on – the light I AM is always on and these letters are a physical reminder/reflection – that no matter outer circumstances, the light is always on. The Living Power I AM, IS, always. That particular day – the inspiration continued with seeing that space where the letters lived as a Frequency Forge – a space where the Power I AM could turn the lead of the emotional disturbance into the Gold of inner peace and tranquility. A Frequency Forge – certainly along the lines of thinking positive thoughts to change energy – yet somehow more. A visual energetic at a more imaginal level, a cellular level where true forging of darkness to light takes place.

So appealing to this mind. And then there is the leadlight angel that stands there too – an inheritance from my mother. She’s as tall as the letters, her lead outline filled with white and various shades of pink. A beautiful symbol of the alchemizing process of lead to light, lead to gold.

Then further inspiration arrived, leave the lights on – they are battery run and they seem to last a long time – and batteries aren’t that expensive – just leave them on.

The light I AM is now always on!

“These Shoes Keep Walking Back to Me”

A line of a song wandered into my mind as I was writing this, “and these shoes, keep walking back to me”. It was an oldie. I looked it up. Yes – My Shoes Keep Walking Back to You, sung by Ray Price. A love song, about arms and eyes and lips that long for the missed lover. And the last line – And these shoes keep walking back to you.

Just like my I AM lights calling me back to myself – the me of the peaceful, alive, vital, tranquil moments. Alchemy. In every activity, no matter how deeply immersed I am. I AM that which is doing the doing of it. 

Keeping the Lights On in Challenging Times

One particular challenge to remembering that which I AM, I have found as I have grown older and the body ages, is the challenge of illness – of any kind – mental or physical. When we are in pain, or things aren’t working properly, the focus naturally goes to the illness, to what is ‘wrong’, and how to make it better, how to make it go away.

There is a natural resistance to feeling unwell, to pain, that can dominate thinking and actions and it is easy to get lost in the illness. Of course, illness is calling for attention and rightly it should receive whatever attention it needs to create wellness again, including much tender love and patience for ourselves. So you take care of all of those aspects of the illness in the best way you know how.

And still the Light I AM shines on, through all the pain and confusion and sometimes fear. This is not to diminish any of the illness experience at all, it is to remind us that that which I AM, that which is aware of all that is taking place in this body/mind, is taking place IN the infinite expansiveness of a field of BEING.

This is also not to create expectations of some magical healing  either, it is simply to be aware, in the quietest of moments, in the hidden corners of the pain,the lights are always on.

Sometimes new answers may arise, sometimes a peace that passes all understanding. And sometimes that is enough. Illness, like any other disruption to life, must be listened to and managed. Somehow, the awareness of those lights softens the experience so healing and/or inspiration can take place.

Anchoring The Light

Changing the batteries of those letters as the light fades has become a bit of a ritual. The fading happens imperceptibly – until the awareness dawns that it is time for a change. Then the brightness of brand new batteries is another reminder of the power of that light that is always on. And so the cycle goes – a bit like our day to day awareness of that inner light – often shadowed by events and mind stuff – until something happens to remind us – YES – here you are – the light that is always on is back, bright and fresh.

I AM. I exist. And that is enough. The I AM Lights tell me so.