Today I heard a friend describe how she wasn’t deserving of a special love relationship in her life and had decided therefore that being in such a relationship wasn’t her ‘lesson’.
My immediate RE-action was to say that was her ego mind talking, and what did ‘who she really was’ have to say about that. She grew defensive and wouldn’t hear anything else. But of course, upon reflection later, I realized it was my ego mind asking her about her ego mind. How easy it is to spot ego in action in others. Yet, how well ego hides itself from us.
Further thinking brought me to a place of deep sadness that someone I loved dearly could be in such denial about her own worth and value – not in the worldly sense – but in the inner sense of being aware of her essence, her oneness with the magic and might, the beauty and brilliance of all creation. Neither ‘deserving’ nor ‘not deserving’ exist in this place. The only mind that can know this place is a clear mind – as Byron Katie would say – a questioned mind.
And of course yet more reflection brought me to a place of self-recognition. Recognizing the denial of self-worth in another can only mean an opportunity to question my own self-worth and deservedness. How much of what I was seeing was simply a projection of me? From the feelings I experienced when my friend said she didn’t deserve a loving relationship, I would say quite a high percentage.
Competition is so deplorable. Comparing the unique expression of one individual with another from the perspective of greater/lesser than is beyond ridiculous. It has been said each and every one of us is as unique as the snowflake is unique. No two are ever the same. An ego expression in the world can think it is better because it appears to have more, or appears to have done more, or appears in a form that the world values more such as beauty or power, but all of these expressions are ‘better than’ illusions. If you remove the ‘better than’ aspect and the person falls apart because that is where their identity was resting, then you can be sure that is the ego mind.
Isn’t it an amazingly designed and brilliant world where your reaction to another person, or situation, can be the greatest teacher you ever experience – should you take the time to listen and learn.
I AM – Is My Value
Immersed in a morning meditation, sunlight streaming in the window, puppy asleep at my feet – a warm bundle of pure love – I am conscious of value from the perspective of knowing that this vibrant, vital, exquisitely exhilarating energy is Life Itself, and that my awareness of this Life Itself is who I really am. I AM this Life Force that is, quietly, in, behind and through everything and everyone. Such a concept as value disappears. Such a concept of worthiness disappears. I very simply AM. To put any other word after the word ‘AM’ brings that energy into a limited expression that can have an opposite – the world of duality that we know on planet earth.
I am not deserving is one expression. I am deserving is another. Neither of them is infinite truth.
Life’s journey brings us one opportunity after another to experience duality and the truth of Life Itself. Because this truth can be so soft and subtle, blended into the background of our experience, it is often missed and even more often, not valued.
Recognition of Life Itself pulsating behind all my experiences brings me always to a place of deep appreciation for the wonderful freedom to live, laugh and love and to share in this moment of universal evolution.